That’ll be the last night I go without some way to record my dreams by my bed.  I already completely forgot one of them and I only remember this tiny piece of a pretty long one…

My big boss (the President) had a stroke about 2 weeks ago…and another exactly a week after that.  His wife came up to me worried that tomorrow (which would be exactly one week from the last one) would be his last day with us.  It was kind of understood that he would not survive another and, for some reason, everyone considered another stroke a forgone conclusion.

Some guy wanted to use me and this girl as an example.  He wanted his class/group/whatever to know that he was serious about using his electric chair as a form of punishment.

That’s right.  First the girl; voltage was set really low.  She said she didn’t even feel it when she got up.  (I’m thinking, “Why couldn’t you have waited until after he used me to say that?!”)

Then he puts me in the chair.  ZAPO!

Anyways, a few minutes later I’m hanging out with some friends and they asked me what it felt like.  I didn’t remember.  In fact, I hadn’t remembered anything from that moment ’til then.

First, night before last.  Two dreams…

Leah, my wife, and I were going to a fancy dance of some kind.  She was in a beautiful dress — kind of like a prom dress.  We danced for a while (now that I think of it, the location reminded me of the foyer in the Granite City Church of God).  Next thing I know, Clint is there, maybe dances with Leah for a while…then he kicks her in the legs.  I’m like, “What the heck?!”  We get in a little fight, I tried to punch him in the face — lucky for him I missed.  :)  We end up wrestling to the ground.  Then he says a line…and I have to find a rap that rhymes.  Weird.

Next dream.

I tell Leah about how she really hurt me.  She decides to get upset about it and tells me she needs a “break”.  I’m thinking, “That’s not how this works.  When you’re hurt I do everything in my power to not make you feel that way; you’re upset with me…because you hurt me?!”

Last night…
Kind of a long dream, but I don’t remember the details that well.  One of those ones where the details can’t really be explained anyways.  First time I recall it almost feeling like the dream was about someone else.

There was a young girl.  She was either a very mature 2 or an older girl who looked 2 (I believe it was the former).  She seemed to create her story.  Most of the things we did, we did because she created events to fabricate a storyline.  One exception to this was the first scene I remember.

We were in a church foyer (what is it with me and church foyers).  A deacon-type walks out and says, “She needs her diaper changed,” and takes her into the church bookstore to change her diaper on the counter.  This deacon-type is friendly, but a creepy kinda friendly.  In fact, there are rumors of child abuse in his past.  I run in there and say, “That’s ok.  I’ll take care of it.”  After he leaves I look at her like, “What was that about?”  (See, she’s only two, but she doesn’t need her diaper changed.  And if she did, she’d do it herself.  Not sure what that means…but that’s what I mean about she’s more mature than just being a two-year old.)

Next scene: For some reason she drives a car off a waterfall.  She’s not in the car when it falls, she just starts it that direction.  The purpose behind this was to create a storyline for us to follow.

Next scene: We’re eating dinner at a large wooden picnic bench type dining room table.  This is normal enough, except we’re on approximately a 60 degree angle.  How is the food not sliding to the floor(wall?)…I don’t know.  The family we were eating with gets up and leaves — through the door up the incline.  I asked her how we were going to the the table and chairs up the incline without falling(?) down ourselves.  She says laughter(?).  Really cheesy, like Mary Poppins type.  With the right attitude(?) we’d float and the table chairs would be really light.  It worked.

Next scene: Back in church.  Mom’s about to go on-stage with the rest of the choir.  I tell her I have to go find the girl, I think I know where she is.  She appears to have been gone for awhile…lost maybe.  Her father wants to join.  We go outside and get around 100 yards from the church when she calls out to us from near the back door we left through.  She comes running to me and gives me a hug (I remember thinking why me and not her father).  …there was a little more…but I don’t remember it.  :(

Another giant bear dream. Don’t remember much…

One of my friends (no idea who it was) was waiting on the end of an extremely long dock for a grizzly bear to re-surface with some fish for him–maybe it was a pet? This bear was 20-30 feet I’m pretty certain. Don’t think I ever saw him. All I saw was the occasional flash of some claws as he swam under the water.

So, some of the kids from the old youth group and I went to youth camp this year. Only, it wasn’t like youth camps of the past. This was like survivor, pirate-style.

Shame I don’t remember more.

All I really remember was running into Dustin and Kharissa–there was a couple more, but I don’t remember who. Weird thing is, they looked like they did 13 years ago (young teenagers); not how they look now…even though they were married like now–well, Dustin was; Kharissa had left her husband…sadness.

My family took a vacation together this year. We thought it would be cool to go see an exotic animal zoo, so, that’s exactly what we did.

Luckily for us, it was feeding time. Weird thing is we were going to be the feeders, except me. I was going to be the drummer. That’s right, the drummer. The owner gave me this huge set of (I guess they were) bongos. They were as wide as they were tall, which was approximately three to four feet. My job was to play these drums while the animals were being feed. And let me just say, for being an amateur I was awesome…it sounded just like a movie soundtrack. Very Do You Think I’m Saxon (King Arthur soundtrack).

Ok, now for the good part. The only feeding I remember is the polar bear (some random guy was doing the feeding, not family). The cage was huge, maybe a little bigger than a football field. One bear; about two stories tall.

The guy was feeding this thing fish…not whale (which would make more sense considering this thing’s size). Little fish. We started fairly close to the cage–and by fairly close I mean as far as he could throw a small fish. Sadly, one of the fish didn’t quite make it.  The bear came to the front of the cage and started clawing at it–which I thought would destroy the cage, trying to get the fish.  After finally getting that fish, the bear stood on his back legs. I immediately started backing up, slowly, then faster. See, when he stood up he broke the top of his cage in half, throwing the broken half (which consisted of two LARGE timbers) about 500 yards. At this time, I realized he had grown a story or two. I also began to think, “Something’s not right. Bears don’t get that big. I wonder if this is a dream.”

I ran to the car (which my family was already in, I guess) and we headed back to our room. As soon as we got back I told Jim all about US Bank. On the way home we heard an ad about how tomorrow they’re giving 30% interest on any money in your account. No mention of the 40 foot bear.

Leah was telling me about this older guy that used to talk to her about stuff and she’d ask him about stuff. She said he was the Prime Minister of Montana. I was like, “First of all, why would…any number of things.”

Well, next thing I know I’m in the bedroom (our house is kind of in a small town’s downtown) and I see this old guy talking to some little girl about stuff (maybe they were playing catch too?). After a while I call him over. He comes over to our window, but in a very hush-hush kind of way…he kinda leans against the wall but doesn’t ever look in the window. I ask, “Are you the Prime Minister?” He turns his head very slowly towards me, then equally slowly starts walking down the street. Stopping at the alley that leads to our door he leans out then proceeds walking when he sees it’s clear. His walk turns into a jog, then a run, then a full-out sprint (Michael Johnson sprint–weird for a 65-year-old).

He turns left at the next street.

I’m thinking, “Why was the Prime Minister of Montana here?”

This dream features Jim, Tim and Leah…and a grizzly-sized black bear (or two).

Jim and I are swimming about 20′ off shore.  Leah, my crazy wife, is taking pictures of an enormous black bear at the shoreline (from not more than about 5′ away).  I’m like, “Baby!  Be careful, you’re way to close”.  Then the bear starts to go for her, so I swim up closer and splash ‘em; I didn’t do more than distract him…he goes back about his business.

A few minutes later, something is between me and the shoreline (a bear, a log, something) so I yell, “JIM!  Keep an eye on Leah.”  Jim doesn’t pay any attention to me.  A few seconds later it attacks Leah. So I climb over the whatever it was between me and the shoreline and start screaming, this time I didn’t distract the bear, I annoyed the bear so he starts coming after me.

Then I woke up.

…thanks for the help, James.

So, I had a weird dream last night…

I answered my doorbell and Huckabee asked to speak with Glenn (who was apparently staying with me?). Glenn pretty much cut him off and said something like, “Don’t bother, I’m obviously voting for the other guy.” As he was saying this he pointed to pictures and posters in his office(?) of Democrats. I thanked Mr Huckabee for stopping by and he left.

Now let me give some details. First, Glenn is an old boss of mine. Second, Leah and I currently live in a one-bedroom apartment. So our bedroom also doubled as Glenn’s office? Weird, no. Third, if you know Glenn a simple word picture to give you an idea how this went down: imagine Huckabee was Gates and Democrats were penguins.

Leah and I were on our way out of a building when she realized she left something. We head back in to an elevator and she goes in. I follow her and see a guy facing one of the corners. Slightly disturbed by the sight of a guy just facing the corner, I immediately reach for the door. There’s no way I want that door to close ’til I know what’s up with that guy. Too late. The door closed as I turned to it. Nervously I look back at the stranger…

…but he’s gone.

A little freaked out I look to see Leah’s reaction…

…but she was gone too.

[insert scary background music]

What’s funny is, the first thing I thought wasn’t “Where did that guy go?” or “Was Leah just kidnapped…somehow?” My first reaction was “Ah, man. This is gonna be a scary dream.”  …then I woke up.